The Struggle and Risk Of Getting Out There

Exercise. Even the word itself looks scary. When I think about the word exercise, I hear it in my head being said in a monstrously terrifying voice. The kind of voice that makes you shivery and cold and anxious.

I have known many people who are ridiculously obsessed with exercise. Those people are probably the ones reading this blog because they like to read anything about health. You know the type -- they get up at 4 am in the morning, put on their expensive athletic fitness "uniforms," take some sort of supplements that sculpt their faces into a permanent grin and make their eyes open wide and make them talk a million miles a minute and allow their legs to move just as fast. And then they proceed into their workouts with great delight and ravenous enthusiasm. They work out like they are training for the Olympics. And then they finish the final crescendo of the routine with an outburst of boisterous celebration.

Forgive me if you are such a person. Secretly, I sort of admire you when I am not thinking about how insane you are. I apologize, I just don't relate. No, I am the type of person who apparently needs lots of time to get motivated to take each step of a workout. It involves a massive amount of praying, arguing in my mind, fighting my feelings, and dragging myself into my room to change into my Walmart stretchy pants. Then, I finally get confident enough to proceed into EXXERRCCIIISEEE (muahahaha). I have to have lots of loud music on my iPod to drown out all the dread. Now, I must say, there is usually a moment of thrill and sincere euphoria in my workouts when the endorphins (whatever those are) decide they are having a party. But, then I get tired and start fighting off the overwhelming urge to stop. Or praying deliverance prayers over the tempting fantasy to go to the drive-thru at a nearby restaurant and order a chocolate milkshake. The end of the workout is marked by a declaration of "Thank You Jesus, I survived!."

This week I have worked out 3 days in a row so far. The first day, I walked in my neighborhood for nearly an hour. I did not intend on it being that long; there are lots of hills in the subdivision. And when I say hills, I mean mini-mountains. So, there were several moments of slowing and pausing so that I would not have an asthma attack and pass out. I'm thinking that may have been a little much for day one. But hey, I survived. Day two, I did a 30 minute Leslie Sansone walk aerobics workout video. Leslie Sansone is the only one I truly enjoy working out to as far as videos go. Her programs are simple and realistic. Day 3 was today. I went to a local soccer park complex and tried to walk there. The terrain was better, but there was no real walking trail. And the road I walked on had a little too much traffic for me to feel safe. But, again, I got in nearly an hour of walking.

Since I am relating this health journey to the creative process, I would like to talk about risk. There is always a risk when you get out of your comfort zone and go put yourself out into the world. The first day I walked, I pushed myself a little too hard and had mild asthma complications afterwards. Today, I had to jump out of the way several times when cars came by. I know, those things probably sound tame, but it is still a risk.

I'm also taking a risk putting myself out there in the creative process. I feel more vulnerable than ever right now, and, am far out of my comfort zone. People are starting to comment on my journey and I know eventually the physical results will be noticeable. Putting my paintings out in the world is a personal thing, and can be unnerving sometimes. But, this involves my actual self, and therefore I am feeling very exposed.

My plan is to keep mixing up the workouts, seeing each one as an opportunity to be a little adventurous. I might even take my camera along sometimes and see if there are any "treasures" along the way to capture in photographs. Maybe, I'll even decide to raise my tolerance for workouts from a level of loathing to like. But, you can be sure it will not be at 4 in the morning.